Firefly News Flash, August 2018, The Firefly Group

Your ETR (Estimated Time to Read): 10 minutes
Your ETII (Estimated Time to Implement Ideas): 5 weeks

Read my book
Say It Quick!

What can you teach with a eight washers tethered to a string?
Watch my video and find out!

August 2018
Your Stupid Brain

Say It Quick a thoughtful message in exactly 99 words	Discoveries bits of serendipity to inspire and motivate	Ideas fuel for your own continuous learning	Activities tips and tricks you can try today
Contrition - The value of an apology	Idiot Brain - What Your Head Is Really Up To	Biting Words - Why negative feedback hurts	Say Something Nice - Boost Your Oxytocin Level

Say It Quick

Dean Burnett's book, Idiot Brain, provides a springboard for this issue of the Firefly News Flash. By focusing on idiosyncrasies of the brain, Burnett is able to explain both the capabilities and the limitations of the human mind. Our Ideas section explores why negative feedback hurts so much and we share an activity to counteract the effects of negativity. But let's begin with this story in exactly 99 words.

Contrition
"Don't take what he says personally. He's not in his right mind." That was my wife's advice after her very elderly father made an insulting remark. Unfortunately, her observation didn't ring true for me. Most of the time he was cogent; in touch with reality. So his comment reverberated in my mind as I replayed the situation. Eventually I did shut it out.

I thought I had forgotten the incident. But when he apologized a week later, a great weight I didn't realize I had been holding floated off my chest.

An apology never made such a difference.

Discoveries

Idiot Brain
What Your Head Is Really Up To

Dean Burnett has written an entertaining if less than fully informing book about how our minds work. In "Idiot Brain: What Your Head Is Really Up To" Burnett writes about memory, personality, phobias, motion sickness, and more. By focusing on idiosyncrasies of perception, Burnett is able to describe the neural pathways involved and how they function.

For example, motion sickness is a result of the inability to reconcile two or more contrasting systems of perception. When our sense of where our body is in space, our sense of vision, and our sense of balance in our inner ear don't agree, our brain panics. Its reaction is the same as if we had ingested a poison, hence we feel nauseous and dizzy.

Burnett follows a consistent framework in his explanation of brain functioning. Beginning by describing a brain behavior such as the retrieval of memories, he traces the process through the various brain structures involved to reveal the amazing complexity of our neural system. Unfortunately, there aren't any diagrams in the book so the references to various familiar and exotic brain anatomy begins to read like a perfunctory listing of parts and pieces.

Still, it's interesting to learn about our biological reactions to pain or our dependence on other's reactions about us to produce our sense of worth and wellbeing (see the 99-Word Story above!). And Burnett brings frequent humor and wit to every passage.

When describing saccades, the ultra-rapid movements our eyes make to keep what we see in focus, he writes, "Think of a spotlight aimed at a football field operated by someone in the middle of a near-lethal caffeine overdose, and you're sort of there… (The saccade is one of the quickest movements the human body can make, along with blinking and closing a laptop as your mother walks into your bedroom unexpectedly.)"

Or about memory, "The brain is a terrifyingly complex tangle of connections and links, like a ball of Christmas-tree lights the size of the known universe."

And, "Memories retrieved by the brain are sometimes comparable to a hairball coughed up by a cat, the product of a lot of alarming internal mangling."

For serious neuro-behaviorists, Idiot Brain is not your textbook. But for most of us who are curious about how what we do is both processed and influenced by the very same physical structure that makes us tick, Idiot Brain is a lot of fun.

More Information:

"Idiot Brain: What Your Head Is Really Up To" by Dean Burnett, W.W. Norton and Company, © 2016.

Ideas

Biting Words
Why does negative feedback sting so much?

A friend of mine was reviewing the "smile sheets" from a workshop he had led on Friday. These evaluation forms left by participants after the training were probably 98% positive. Some even had glowing praise for my friend, his knowledge, and his facilitation skills. But one reviewer panned everything about the training. This person had nothing good to say about the activities, the topic, or the person at the front of the room.

In spite of the overwhelmingly positive praise, my friend couldn't ignore the one page of sarcastic comments. He stewed about it the whole weekend.

This tendency to focus on criticism even when surrounded by glowing praise may seem illogical but it's very human. And given the brain's biology, it's probably unavoidable.

As Dean Burnett explains in his book Idiot Brain, different hormones are released into our system when we encounter either positive or negative feedback. Oxytocin is released into the bloodstream when an experience produces a positive emotion. We experience a rush of pleasure.

When an event produces a negative emotion, the hormone cortisol is released. It produces our fear response of either fight or flight.

Both hormones race throughout the brain reinforcing and magnifying the associated emotion. Oxytocin is removed from the bloodstream in about five minutes. Cortisol, on the other hand, can continue circulating in our system for up to two hours. No wonder it's so difficult to shake that restless anxiety and defensiveness after being criticized.

What can you do when faced with negative feedback? First, it helps to know that some of what you are experiencing is just your body's normal reaction to a perceived threat. Some of your reaction is out of your control.

That said, you can mitigate the negative effects of awful evaluations and biting criticism. Here are a few ideas:

Be Rational - Do the positive comments outnumber the negative? Then maybe the positive represent what's true.

Think Historically - How does the feedback compare with what you've received in similar situations? If most feedback is consistent over time, perhaps it's accurate.

Stay Open - What new ideas can you derive from the feedback? Identify something in the comments that you can use to perform better in the future.

Consider the Source - Is the criticism from someone knowledgeable whom you respect? If not, let it go.

Know Yourself - Does the criticism hit a sensitive nerve? Become more aware of the experiences, comments, and situations that press your buttons.

Get Help - Is the criticism accurate and deserved? Find a friend who can give you a hug to boost your oxytocin level.

There is not a single expert in any subject area that cannot improve. You too might benefit from serious consideration of negative feedback about your performance. But when the criticism has an especially strong sting, remember that it may be a result of brain biology.

Activities

Say Something Nice
Boost Your Oxytocin Level

There's a game that's used by improv actors to boost creativity and by organizational trainers to promote cooperation and positivity. It's called "Yes And." One person makes a statement like, "Let's go to the park." Typically, this might be a time when someone throws out an idea-killing response such as, "Yes, but it's too far to walk."

Instead, the next player adds to the idea by saying something like, "Yes, and we could also bring some snacks." Players continue taking turns making statements that build on each other by beginning with "Yes, and." This improv game is a great way to increase oxytocin among group members. You can feel the mood lighten.

The following activity, "Say Something Nice," is meant to give players practice in boosting their own oxytocin level by turning another person's negative statement into something positive. However, instead of beginning each statement with, "Yes, and," we ask players to begin with the negative, "Yes But."

Say Something Nice

Goal: To learn to increase one's oxytocin level by looking for and finding something positive in various situations
Materials: A list of negative statements printed on individual cards
Players: Any number working in groups of up to five
Time: 15 - 20 minutes

Procedure:
Begin by reminding people of the way that hearing one negative statement can lead us into a downward spiral of more negative thinking. Explain that this can be especially insidious because cortisol, the hormone that triggers our defensive responses, stays in our system for 10 to 20 times longer than oxytocin, the hormone that makes us feel calm and optimistic.

Let people know that this game can give people practice in looking for something positive among the negativity that others are projecting.

Ask people to form groups of as many as five people. Give each group a set of cards with negative statements. On their turn, each player draws a card and reads the negative statement on it. Each of the other players in the group takes a turn making a positive statement in response. Statements must begin with, "Yes, but."

The player who read the negative statement is the judge who decides which player's statement was most positive. That player receives one point.

Example:
Negative Statement: "It's going to be rainy and dreary all week."

Positive Response: "Yes, but I'm looking forward to curling up with some books I've been meaning to read." Or, "Yes, but the roses in my garden will be so excited." (This second statement would be judged to be more creative.)

You can write your own negative statements or have people write them before you begin the game. Here are a few suggestions.

1. It's going to be rainy and dreary all week.
2. Our team is in its longest losing streak.
3. I'm tired of eating broccoli salad again.
4. Joan is always late for our meeting.
5. Phil talks way too much.
6. There are no holidays between September 6 and November 23.
7. My car is going to be in the shop for at least ten days.
8. At this rate we are going to miss our deadline and lose the contract.
9. Our project is going to die fast with this change of scope.
10. The director just asked me to re-write my report by tomorrow.

Discussion:

Which negative statements proved most difficult to turn into something positive?

As you played the game, to what degree did it become easier to think of positive statements?

How did the mood of your group change as you played?

How practical would it be to invent positive statements in your daily life?

What are some situations when you would not want to respond to a negative with a positive statement?

What strategy might you use to remember to use this method of raising your own level of oxytocin?

Did you use this activity? If you gained some insights, !

If you like what you have read in this issue, I would like to bring the same innovation, creativity, and playfulness to your next meeting or learning event.

Whether you need a keynote speaker, or help with strategic planning, performance improvement, or training facilitators and trainers in your organization, I look forward to your call (802.380.4360) or .

-- Brian

Read previous issues. Click Library!
To add or delete your name to our mailing list, email with a short note in the subject line.

I want this newsletter to be practical, succinct, and thoughtful. If you have suggestions about how I can meet these criteria, please let me know! Send me an with your thoughts and ideas.